The appeal of Friday nights

“Maame”, belt buckles and The Cut’s personal essay industrial complex.

Hi everyone.

It deeply saddens me to say that this is going to be the final edition of The Roundup. I have really enjoyed building community with you all over the past few years. From my awful first logo to changing the name of this newsletter three times, like our good sis, you all have stuck beside me. Thank you.

Lol. April Fools! I know it’s late, but I just had to.

Without further ado, let’s get into today’s roundup!

Thoughts

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a really silly goofy mood and I told my best babe, “Wow I’m feeling so hyper today,” and she responded with, “You’re always like this on Friday nights.” I realized that there’s a few reasons for this:

A) I can stay up late without fearing consequences

B) I get one night + two days where I don’t have to worry about my responsibilities to clients, my employer, capitalism, or even myself really

C) I *finally* get to engage in “just because” hobbies

The common denominator is that each Friday, I get to feel like a child again.

It’s very ironic — the cyclicality of life. When we’re young, we spend all that time yearning to wear less and go out more and then we get older, the bedtimes get shorter again and the desire for responsibility withers. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve hunched over the bathroom sink, staring at my dark circles as they stare back at me, wishing I didn’t have to take care of myself.

Like most Nigerians, I was packaged off to boarding school at age 10 and started college at 16 — My dad was actually horrified at the thought of me taking a gap year before college. Now, the current battle with my family is applying for a master’s degree and very soon it will be marriage and then babies, so forth and so on.

When you deep it, most of us get 9-15ish years to fully be children before we have to spend the rest of our lifetimes as functioning or semi-functioning members of society. This is insane.

How soon did you have to start adulting?

This desire to be childlike also seeps into the type of work I find interesting — work where I get to have tactile experiences (i.e. creating things I can touch and feel). Basically, the adult version of being engrossed in Play-Doh.

I wonder if a possible cure for the gloominess that hangs around most adults these days would be returning to activities and states of being that mirror our childhoods. Of course, very much easier said than done when there’s rent to pay and pets to clean up after.

Nevertheless, here’s a challenge for you this month: Each day, try to do one thing that makes you feel like a child. It could be having solo dance parties, playing in dirt (gardening?) or watching cartoons. We need to be having more fun.

The next challenge would be building a world for yourself where reliving your childhood is a core component of your daily life and not a brief respite.

P.S. I realize that not everyone had a childhood they would like to return to and adulthood may actually be your own sense of ideal. When I refer to “childhood,” I’m more so thinking of a childlike state of being as opposed to an actual age range.

Reviews

Get Maame here.

Jessica George published this novel over a year ago, but I feel like it’s just now all over my feed.

Maame follows Maddie, a British-Ghanaian girl who has become fed up with the plague of being the Responsible First Daughter. She’s caring for her father who is dealing with advanced Parkinson’s while her mom lives her best hot girl life in Ghana. She hates her executive assistant job, feels like she has no social life and doesn’t understand why she can never shake off her sadness. At one point she’s like, “I’ve tried keeping a gratitude journal, exercising and eating well. Why am I still so unhappy?” Whew.

Eventually, she gets the opportunity to move out and room with two other girls, Jo and Cam, and she feels like her life can finally begin.

However, soon after, there’s a devastating family tragedy and her character transitions — for better and for worse. It was kind of like what Chimamanda Adichie expressed after her father passed, “Enemies beware, the worst has happened. My father is gone. My madness will now bare itself.”

We see Maddie learn how to live with the guilt she feels surrounding the tragedy. We see her flit between feeling sympathy for her mother to feeling resentful of how motherhood responsibilities were passed down to her prematurely. We also see her second-guess herself when she has sexual experiences that make her uncomfortable — She convinces herself that some other reason besides the man’s incompetence and lack of regard for her must be at fault. Jessica George might as well have been writing about me and my home girls!

I felt so seen and so held at many points in the book. At its core, Maame is a fantastic story of grief, letting go of the need to be liked, growing up, growing balls and ultimately, discovering who you are.

All that being said, there were a few things I didn’t love about it. For one, I found some of the conversations she had with her friends about men too…juvenile for an adult novel.

I also found it hard to believe that Maddie — at the ripe age of 25 — didn’t know things like if it’s odd for a guy you’ve just met to invite you over to his house (spoiler: yes, it is) and when would be the appropriate time to knock on your roommate’s door. So, she would turn incessantly to Google for answers. As a chronic Googler myself, sometimes I wanted to tell Maddie: Put the phone down and think my dear girl!

Recs

Lately, I've Been...

Reading
⭑ I don’t know how they do it, but The Cut manages to get pitches from the most unhinged personal essay writers and we owe them way too many Twitter discourse moments. From this essay about the woman that agreed to be a surrogate for her cousin then said, oops jk to this one that resulted in me receiving the most DMs I’ve ever gotten on a day that’s not my birthday, The Cut has people reading like they never have before!

⭑ This article from Curbed about what’s in the dust we find in our apartments is fascinating, to say the least.

⭑ The full essay is only available to paid subscribers, but Haley Nahman’s riveting narration of the labor and delivery of her first child is a must-read.

⭑ This edition of

LaChelle Chrysanne

’s newsletter. Sometimes, it’s good to be judgmental.

Watching
⭑ Afamefuna: An Nwa-Boi Story, an exploration of the Igbo apprenticeship system, which has been regarded as one of the largest business incubators.

stannze

A post shared by @stannze

⭑ This video was kind of giving #hater, but I found it a bit comforting because with so much (too much) insight into people’s lives, comparison is at an all-time high. Remember that for some people, extravagant fashion is how they express themselves and entertain others — it may not be practical for you to mirror that in your real life (whether due to skill or accessibility) and that’s okay. It’s also important to continually interrogate the goals behind the content you consume — Do you want to be inspired? Entertained? Motivated?

⭑ This video on “$1 homes” in Italy. Somewhat related, I saw this NY Times post on how Paris is prioritizing public housing and small businesses over large chains like Sephora and McDonald’s. Slay.

Loving
⭑ I’m in my “has her shit together” era! I used the Quicken Simplifi app all March to organize all my accounts in one place, budget and track my spending. Unsurprisingly, the largest spending categories were housing and my car (friendly reminder to shop around for car insurance if your rates keep going up). Surprisingly, I barely spent any money on personal care.

Listening to
⭑ If you love The Cavemen, you might love Deelo Avery.

⭑ Speaking of music, Cowboy Carter!!! What did we think? My top songs are “Sweet Honey Buckiin’’’, “Bodyguard”, “Riiverdance” and “Levii’s Jeans.” One of my favorite things about each Beyoncé project is getting to discover new artists. Unlike…some others, she loves to nurture new talent. I could be biased (because #locs), but I am so obsessed with Shaboozey. Did you know he’s Nigerian? And did you know there’s a long history of African country musicians?

⭑ Pia Baronici’s podcast, Everything is the Best. It’s kind of hard to explain what this podcast is about because it truly covers…everything. From hormone regulation to “origin wounds” to everything you need to know about toothpaste.